Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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