i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
