Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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