there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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