and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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