Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
