u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
