OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
