:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
