I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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