She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
