SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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