Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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