my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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