What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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