we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize