Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
