He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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