Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
