Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
