Don't make out with my wife yet
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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