Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
