I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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