I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i out mim tonsoeep
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
