Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
