i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
