The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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