We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
