so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
