so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize