Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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