Sponge bath it is.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
