Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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