You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
