thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
