there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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