Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
