I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
