you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
