I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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