You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
