Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
