Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am naked and annoyed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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