Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
