you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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