I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
