It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
