You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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