im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
