I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
