I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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