just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
