Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We got so high we made milksteak
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
