watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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