I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
