who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
