dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
