We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
