The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
where are you?
Hypothermia
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
