Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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