i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
