I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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