so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
