I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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